Isolating
Grooming, Stage 4
In this fourth stage, the abuser gradually cuts the victim off from their usual sources of support, friends, family, and other trusted adults. By creating distance between the victim and the people who might notice something is wrong, the abuser makes the victim more emotionally dependent on them alone. This isolation can be subtle: encouraging the victim to keep secrets, monopolising their time, or framing others as unimportant.
When the Music Stops Playing, Everyone Still Hears the Music
Isolating (External View) · Oil on Canvas
A fixed routine is established.
Regular lessons at regular times seem to create their own bubble of invisibility.
Nothing appears to be hidden behind the closed practice-room door.
Stop.
Start.
Repeat.
Improvement.
People literally tune out from the monotony of the practice.
He is an authoritative figure who exudes confidence and trust.
A dedicated teacher.
A committed pupil.
There are no raised eyebrows or double takes.
There is nothing out of the ordinary for others to see.
Nobody notices the increasingly longer pauses between the notes.
"I May as Well Give You a Lift"
Isolating (Internal Perspective) · Oil on Canvas
He 'kindly' started giving me lifts after our morning clarinet lessons at my home. Nothing was too much effort, he was being generous.
It was just him and me in the car.
Something began to feel different.
His intense gaze...was I imagining it?
My stomach clenched and I felt on edge.
The little things no longer felt accidental and I kept freezing.
A sudden unexpected detour and the knot in my core travelled up to my chest. Where were we going?!
"Just a little shortcut" he assured me lightheartedly. Then he was silent, just smiling.
I couldn't stop the panic rising up to grip my throat and I just wanted my body to morph into the car's seat, like I wasn't there.
He laughed.
I was overreacting, everything was fine.
He stopped the car, no one else was around.
After my continuous stream of repeated questions, "Where are we going? What are we doing?", now I was unable to speak or move.
He turned and looked at me, then laughed and joked about not being silly, made me doubt myself. Was I overreacting and reading this all wrong?
Then he re-started the engine and we drove on to school.
By the time we arrived, I had almost convinced myself I'd imagined it.